I met Teymara when I was 20 after being forced to attend her Born To Be Free seminar by my eldest brother. He had been referred to her and had found her work extremely beneficial – to the point where it would eventually become life changing. I was rebellious and angry and didn’t like her and didn’t want to participate in her seminar. Over the years with maturity I’ve come to realize that Teymara being part of my life and that of my family’s has been an amazing Blessing. T is a guiding light, she is a very skilled teacher if you’re ready to listen. She always works from integrity which I personally regard very highly. Her work helps you to uncover one of your greatest gifts —-the gift of true clarity. I often wonder if I would be alive today if I hadn’t found her. That’s something I will never know however, I will be forever grateful to my brother for bringing her into my life.
For the first time in my life I’m telling my story in the hope that something can be done to heal those caught in the web of Domestic Violence so what happened to my mother and her then partner never has to happen again.
NOW FOR MY STORY……….
I know most people could not have endured all of the challenges I’ve had to face in my 43 years and remain intact. It is my exceptional strength, an inner knowing and the gift of having a very special woman (Teymara) enter my life 23 years ago that has given me the clarity, understanding, and tools needed to successfully get through each and every one of them.
My list of negative life events is far too long and in depth to explore here however, I will talk about those that I believe were the main contributors to a lifelong struggle to heal my past and find ‘me’. The rots of this pain stemming from the knowledge of the physical and psychological abuse that my mother was subjected to by her father that I believe led to the volatile relationship she had with my father (and why she was attracted to him in the first place) and eventually to the man she left him for who was responsible for her murder and the hanging of himself.
I was born into a dysfuntional family, the 4th child of a family of 5 which was already complete. My parents were headed for an inevitable divorce and my oppressed mother who suffered from ongoing depression now found herself pregnant once again. This of course, for most women or European descent of the 70’s would mean remaining stuck in an unhealthy marriage for many more year with limited resources or support to get out. Knowing full well that she was not able to raise a 4th child my mother considered an abortion however was quickly put into fear by her GP and my father, forcing her to go through with an unwanted pregnancy and keep the baby.
My father did most of the child rearing in relation to me in the early years although my mother desperately tried through her depression. Perhaps this was a verbal agreement made between them in continuing with the pregnancy. Because of this situation dad was my source of love and security. I used to chase him down the street and try to stop him from going to work. I remember having to stand on my own two feet from very early on. I was a very mature 6 year old and seemed to have an insight which was way beyond my years. I seemed to know things that the other little kids at school didn’t. As I watched my other suffer I yearned to find the love and acceptance I so needed from her by transforming myself into whomever or whatever I needed to be to get it from others in the family friends and eventually men.
The arguments between my parents were relentless. Where most children including my 3 siblings would stand back or run away, I would put myself right in the firing line at risk of being physically hurt, the risk though outweighing my fear of losing one of them. I was on a 6 year old little girl and I would stand in between them fighting, mum often with a knife in her hand and dad with his fist ready to throw a punch. I would beg and scream for them to stop, hysterically running from one parent to the other pushing against my father pleading with him to leave the house so the fighting would end. The arguments would often occur at the dinner table setting the stage for the emotional eating patterns that l would battle against in my life that Teymara’s work has supported me in breaking.
After another 10 years the marriage finally ended with my mother entering a new relationship with the person who eventually murdered her. She had mentioned this man’s jealous and controlling tendencies however, at age 16 all I wanted was my parents to be happy.
At age 19 I was living with my father. I returned home at around 3am one morning after attending a party. As I drove closer to home I noticed all the light were on I knew there was something wrong I was panicked walking through the front door and frantically asking if my father was alright before looking and seeing him in the house. I remember yelling ‘What’s wrong?’ ‘What’s happened?’ my brother who was only 25 at the time and living with my mother held onto my shoulder and gently told me that our mother had died, that her partner had killed her’. The screams that came from me that night were screams I couldn’t stop.
Apparently my mother had spent a few nights at her partner’ house. It was Easter and along with attending church and the local social club, they had made arrangements to meet with his eldest daughter and grandchildren. When both could not be reached his daughter became concerned. Neighbors were contacted and found mums partner suspended by the neck in the garage. Police upon entering the house found my mother aged 52 on the kitchen floor in a pool of blood. Her partner had slit her carotid artery with a kitchen knife prior to going outside and hanging himself. The day of the death is unknown and so are the reasons for this tragedy.
If you know anyone who is caught in the web of domestic violence please try to support them as best you can to get help so that my mothers death doesn’t have to be in vain. Thank you.